Insane

I still can't realize the evil that possessed the bunch of world leaders and top scientists who took the decision of throwing a twenty six years old female engineer with a perfect reputation and past history which I'm sure they investigated to the tiniest detail before they did what they did, after a single year of graduation, just as I was beginning to reap all the good and effort I saw all my life, to decide to throw a girl with all those qualities into the street, into a lab, into hell, for life, to decide to use a promising life like mine with all what I possess of brains and beauty and classy family for a guinea pig just like that?! What came over Regan who must've been asked for permission and Thatcher who must have been asked to authorize BT to provide their latest break threw in science, what came over the Egyptian, the father and family man, who comes from the country side, who knows the Egyptian ways towards girls, to sell a fellow Egyptian helpless girl to the Jews?! god forbid if I had anything to do with politics! What came over every one to drag an innocent successful girl from her home to do such unbelievable evil to her?! They didn't find me working corners or I was an addict or in jail waiting for a death sentence, they got me right out of one of the best neighborhoods and colleges in the country, all that to be thrown to street scum?! Didn't any of them had the tiniest conscious to reject approving to the evil and nervous shock they were about to subject me to?! Did they laugh as they all agreed to throw a little girl in living hell?! Were the gods and goddesses of the world quiet sure I won't last a couple of months in their newest game as they all raised their glasses to drink a toast celebrating the doom of the victim of their newest sacrificial ritual?! In addition to one of the sick reasons to do that which is horrifying a whole nation to complete silence, in which they obviously succeeded, I'm sure the reason the mad one gave his Jewish clan for doing that after only two months of stepping into that portal to hell called office of his was religious, enslaving a perfectly innocent well bred Egyptian girl into a whore, what more revenge can Jews inflict on Egypt?! And to see the insane Egyptian nation carrying out the revenge them selves, giving their best to be sacrificed by their worst enemy in the whole world, the Jews?! No one in history can see more stupidity. Now that I think of what horrible darkness made the mad one commit such a deed, at the very first I thought he did it due to a wrongful convection of his that I was barging for money to surrender myself to him, which I realized later as the years went by was silly of me, because for the money issue he knew for sure that after I left the office my family bought me a car, as I told him earlier that I will, for half the amount of money he offered written in a piece of paper in one of his sick games, so it's obvious that the money issue was clear, actually all these ideas on my side were out of a guilt complex I and most of the Egyptian girls of my generation were raised to carry inside them like their own crucifixes, but as I grew older and wiser I realized that he did that because he got scared, he was horrified that his sick attitude in the office with the female employees would be revealed to his pears, especially that I came through what were supposed to be his tennis pals in Gezeera club, and in addition to avenging his impotence against the successful strong-character type of women who reminded him of his helplessness towards his wealthy wife and mother, he also wanted to kill the opportunity of my life taking its natural course during which I would become a member of the same social circle with all the scandals I know about him, so he killed me before I could have the chance to grow up and threaten his portrait. Then to think of those two business men, my sister's husband's business acquaintances, knowing that man and going to the same club, I'm sure that they knew something of his character and behavior towards women that must've been obvious to all surrounding him, I'm sure now that for them both I represented an opportunity to facilitate their business with him and his uncle. Him with an obviously disturbed character that must've left the faintest traces around him of his weakness before the opposite sex and his fetish for sick games that he always put under the category of "shogl", all the horrors that are inflicted upon me are done under the flag of "shogl" isn't it?! I would like to know the chapters of Koran and bible where that "shogl" is mentioned so I can read them! And me being a pretty little female as one of them made sure when he met me before sending me to the portal to hell, now I'm sure of that because on that day that man showed me a room full of banned "religious" video tapes that his company or group made back then and complained to me about their banning right before I and my sister's husband left his office, he was showing me not my sister's husband, he was talking to ME, why?? I was too young, too naive and by nature completely lacking any cunning in my character to realize what I realize now, I was another opportunity for them to do business exactly like they used the help of my sister's husband the police officer to do business, it was all a business deal, what else?! Tell me one reason for them to send me to a private office owned by one said to be a divorcee at that time, whom they must have sensed his womanizing behavior?? As deep as I dig in this thing I find ugliness and darkness that I think never accumulated in one event like the way it happened here, I'm sure that's why they're so very keen to sweep the whole thing under the rug, they must have my consent, dip me in shame, to clean their images, politically and religiously, in front of their subjects, to keep them frightened into their closed fists, with my consent and shame and blood, as if it could ever be cleaned.